Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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