I wish I could teleport
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
