All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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