I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
