I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
