You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
