So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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