I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
