Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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