so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
