Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
