Umm I'm too high to move.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
