so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
