I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
