The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
