Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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