just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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