it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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