Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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