if you like me you must not know who I am
She said her name was "party"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
