i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
