Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This is my gift to your gina
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
