So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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