If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
