No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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