check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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