No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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