"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
