Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
