Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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