I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
