Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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