You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
