So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
