Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
