i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
