I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
