Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize