went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
