Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
