I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
