the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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