Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
