I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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