Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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