It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i think we sleep fucked last night...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
