i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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