She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
