The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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