i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
